Wednesday, 25 October 2017

Body Issues


My Journey with my body 

This blog comes with a caveat that it is about my body therefore if you are of the faint of heart please read no further.

My thoughts are all a jumble as I try to succinctly describe my journey over the past 34 years. If I were to use one acronym to describe my body it would be PCOS (PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome) 

My teen years it hit hard, I knew there was a problem when spending days in sick bay at school unable to move from debilitating period pain. I was your typical teenager struggling with body issues. The only difference was I ate half what anyone else did yet always seemed slightly larger. By 16 I was suffering with anorexia. I would run 10km and then eat an apple all day and feel guilty about eating that apple. The weight fell off but the lengths I had to go to were extreme to put it mildly. 

Skip forward to university and working in the campus kitchen. I was part of the woman's rugby team and jogged regularly but the pounds just started piling on. After uni I had another spate with my old demon anorexia and became once again stick thin. I liked being thin but hated that it was only through a regime of starvation and exercising like a lunatic that I could look "normal". 

Finally I moved to London. As the years passed I slowly just gained and gained weight until I was a whopping 109kg!! I dieted....boy did I diet, you name the diet, I guarantee I've tried it! I went to the gym, I tried to keep running until the sheer weight of my body was too much for my shins. When trying to fall pregnant and failing it was only then that I was finally diagnosed with PCOS. The doctors started me on a fairly strict regiment of drugs to help me function normally. To my amazement the weight started falling off. I was still the same person, I was still eating fairly normally but the weight just started coming off. And finally I fell pregnant with my beautiful daughter. Of course after I was pregnant the doctors stopped all the treatment and the weight began to creep back on. By 2013 I was now an absolutely horrific and scary weight of 126kg!! My body ached, my joints ached, I was wheezing. I begged the doctors to let me go back on the treatment for my PCOS. I also wanted a sibling for my daughter, and so because I was basically infertile without the medication they started me back on it. 

Once again the weight started to come off. It was an incredibly slow journey. Once pregnant with my second child they decided they wanted to stop treating the PCOS. This time I was not having it. I wish it was called something different as it affects your whole body, not just your ovaries!! They argued with me, but I won and managed to continue being treated. Fast forward to 2017 and I have lost just under half of my body weight. I am not where I want to be yet. But I continue to eat healthy and live a healthy lifestyle (as I have most of my life) and slowly but surely I am coming back to myself. 

What I want anyone who reads to take from this story is two things:

1 - NEVER judge someone by their size, I was huge and ashamed and didn't understand why my body continued to pile on weight regardless of what diet I tried. I was fat shamed and hollered at and questioned my existence in my darker days. It was a medical condition and not a choice to be that large, I hated looking that way! I hated feeling that way. 

2 - Please if any of this sounds familiar get yourself tested for PCOS. It is not curable but it is treatable. 

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